you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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