I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
