I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
