"it" just moved
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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