I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
