Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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