Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
