i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
