Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
