Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
