It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
