yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
