Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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