Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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