barbara walters just said penis...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
