In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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