Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize