38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
