I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
