watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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