So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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