Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
