he puts the penis in happiness.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
