That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
