I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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