If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
