why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have already put on my inside pants.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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