remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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