Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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