Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize