Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
