Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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