I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
