Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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