the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Don't make out with my wife yet
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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