We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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