i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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