The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
