you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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