mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
