I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize