there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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