I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize