First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am naked and annoyed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
