would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
