I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize