yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
