I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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