all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She has the best kind of daddy issues
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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