I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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