he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
