No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
