I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
