FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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