I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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