Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
