What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
