3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
