Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
