ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
