I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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