i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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