A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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