She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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