I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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