Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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