woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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