Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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