I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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