It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
