id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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