He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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