if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize