I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
