I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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