Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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