dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
