This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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