Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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