she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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