I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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