so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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