I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
