He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
