She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
