Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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