My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
