Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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