No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
