hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize