I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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