I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
