Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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