I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize