She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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