How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
