We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
